recipe of the week

Lemony Chicken Pasta Salad

1 small chicken, roasted or from rotisserie
1 lb small pasta - mostaccioli/penne or small shells.
1 bunch scallions (about 6)
1/2 bunch Italian parsley
4-5 small centre stalks of celery with leaves
4-5 smallish ripe tomatoes
butter/boston lettuce
1/2 c coarsely chopped almonds

Dressing:
1 lemon
1/2 C mayonnaise
2-3 T good extra-virgin olive oil
1 1/2 t grainy Dijon mustard
salt and pepper

Boil the pasta in salted water for about 10 min. until al dente. You want the pasta to still have some nice bite to it - don't cook it all the way through. I bought a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store - they're extra juicy, but you can roast your own small chicken. Do it several hours or the day before so it's cold by the time you need it. Shred the chicken meat (breasts, thighs, legs) and reserve the carcass, wings, etc. for making soup/stocks. In a very large bowl, place the cold pasta and shredded chicken.

Wash and chop the celery. I like using the centre stalks for this because I like the flavour and yellowy colour of the celery leaves. You can also add in a large outside stalk. Wash and slice the scallions on a 30 degree bias, using all the white and green part. Give the parsley a medium chop and add all the veggies to the bowl.

Zest 1/2-3/4 of the lemon into a small bowl. Roll the lemon and juice it and add the juice to the zest. Add in the mustard, salt and pepper. Whisk briefly to combine. Next very slowly drizzle in the olive oil all the while whisking to emulsify the mixture. Then add in the mayonnaise and whisk until combined. To be honest, I didn't measure any of the dressing ingredients when I made it (I rarely do), so these are all approximate measurements. I didn't use just mayonnaise because I wanted a lighter, more flavourful dressing. You may use more or less of the ingredients, depending on the specific flavouring you want. I used the entire zest of the lemon, but I like mine extra super lemony.

Add the dressing to the salad and toss just until coated. Taste, and add more salt and pepper if needed.

Wash the lettuce, and wash and cut the tomatoes into wedges. Place several lettuce leaves on a salad place, top with the pasta salad, sprinkle with almonds and garnish with tomatoes and a couple whole parsley leaves. Drizzle a small amount of olive oil and grind a little bit of pepper over the top.

Now, EAT!

to think, or to obey, that is the question

The LdS church-run Brigham Young University (the BYU) tends to be a fascinating microcosm of Mormon culture and ideas. Because it is not very prone to outside influences or pressure, it is inclined to intensify and more explicitly state those ideas to a degree that is greater than one might find in Mormon populations elsewhere (especially outside of Utah).

In my time at BYU as a student, I observed how the attitudes and ideas that growing up had previously been restricted to the home and the church were also very visible outside of those two areas, and in society at large. This being because the vast, vast majority of people (over 90%) were not only Mormon, but were also from a shared ethnic and often common socio-economic background. This transferred into an incredibly homogeneous culture that I found to be very uncomfortable and often disconcerting; where the authoritarian aspects of Mormonism fed off themselves and became an all-pervasive culture of absolutely obeying authority being seen as the greatest virtue.

That is probably the main cause of my discomfort while a student at BYU, as despite my very strict Mormon upbringing, I have always been very uncomfortable with any idea that limits free expression, free thought, free exchange of ideas, etc. There are far too many examples of this overarching, all-penetrating, and overwhelming (religious) authoritarianism to enumerate, but just three of them that have stuck out most in my mind are these:

1) Treating Students as Children

A then friend of mine was required to pay thousands a year for an on-campus meal-plan that wasn't redeemable at the on-campus grocery store because BYU had found that some freshmen lacked the skills to adequately feed themselves, and so decided to force all freshmen to eat at the cafeteria, including those that lived in the on-campus apartments that housed full kitchens. This despite the fact that she was 22, had attended several years of University in her home country of Germany, and wasn't a child. BYU thought it needed to play the role of parent to these students, instead of letting them learn to care for themselves and learn useful skills like self-sufficiency. Of course, the university's insistence in treating students as children means they often act as such. By taking away nearly any opportunity for a student to experience real independence, and by severely limiting what actions and experiences are available, they ensure the limited emotionally maturity of its graduates. While they learn in their respective majors useful life skills, they more importantly learn that obedience to authority is a virtue to be cultivated, and consequently are very poor independent thinkers.

2) The Honor Code

Every student, faculty member and employee is required to sign a sworn statement that they will follow the "Honor Code" which is an rather broad range of rules of external behaviour. Anything that is deemed a "sin" in Mormonism is also deemed to be against the Honor Code, but it certainly doesn't stop there. While it includes such "sins" as masturbation, pornography, and drinking, it also includes prohibitions against men growing facial hair or students of either gender wearing "immodest" clothing, not only on campus, or even during the semester, but even while at home during summer break/holidays! The rules against facial hair (excepting moustaches for some reason) and rules governing proper dress are probably the most disturbing.

Routinely in the student paper "The Daily Universe" students write opinion pieces about how disgusting and unattractive they find any sort of facial hair, and then often disparage the spiritual health and righteousness of any male individual who dares to grow facial hair, or who allows their hair to become "over-the-collar" or otherwise unkempt. They have been brainwashed to believe that facial hair is inherently unattractive because they believe it to be somehow "evil" - based on its forbidden status by the Honor Code, and because the Honor Code is virtuous and righteous and faultless. Also common is hearing the incredibly sexually repressed men (or even women) complain about the "immodest" dress of women who dare to show a little cleavage, or who walk around wearing a messenger bag whose strap goes between their breasts, separating and defining those dirty, naughty pillows of Satan!!! Because the students are so incredibly repressed sexually, not only do they often confess every instance of masturbation, but they get married more quickly, and have more children sooner than any other demographic I've ever witnessed.

All Mormons are required to attend church weekly, and non-Mormons their respective services as well. I've no idea what non-Mormon atheists/non-religious students are required to do - if indeed there are any. If students don't attend church, they can be punished with probation or expulsion.

If a student is caught viewing porn or engaged in an unapproved activity with another person (any activity besides kissing, or anything homosexual), the "Honor Code Office" often will require that student to attend therapy, and will, as a condition of their staying a student, require their therapist to breach confidentiality to the Honor Code Office, in order to check up on the student's "progress".

3) Academic Freedom

Students and faculty do not get to learn or teach in a true academically free environment. Along with the rules governing external behaviour and appearance, there are numerous banned books, topics, ideas, philosophies, political platforms, and even words (swearing).

For example, a person who express the (political) belief that gay (or in the preferred terminology "same-gender attracted") individuals ought to enjoy the full range of rights afforded to straight individuals is grounds for both ecclesiastical discipline and academic repercussions - expulsion if a student, firing if faculty. A faculty member can be prevented from teaching certain ideas or using certain books simply on the basis that a student may be offended and complain to the university. It is common for anything that causes a student to question their beliefs and biases to cause this. Of course, the main point of attending most universities is to have one's preconceptions challenged and learn new ways of thinking. This only applies at BYU if the thing being taught in no way intersects any church teaching or doctrine. Unfortunately, the church has doctrines and teachings about nearly everything, so it is almost impossible to have a truly open and unfiltered learning environment in any discipline.

A faculty member can be disciplined or fired for teaching, writing, or researching anything the university administration (under pressure from the church leadership in SLC) finds is incompatible with the doctrines of the church. Famously, professors have been fired for researching into church history and publishing unsavoury, but true aspects of the church's history; for espousing views, even scientifically supported ones, that "advocate" homosexuality or gay rights; and for being feminists.

The desire to control and proscribe every tiniest action a person is allowed to do is an attempt by the church (whether concious or not) to control the thoughts of its membership. Because they cannot directly monitor thought or internal belief, they measure everything on the externals. The social rules of Mormon society are so detailed that there is very little room for individuality. Indeed, it is better for the church if there is little-to-no individuality left in its members. The more a person adheres to the rules, the less likely they are to think for themselves.

The church sells a lifestyle where all of life's answers are available in a one-size-fits-all pre-packaged form. In order to fit into and be accepted by the community, you have to be just like everyone else. Even the most minor deviance - say drinking a cup of coffee - is punished. BYU takes this idea and runs with it as far as it can. Being a Democrat (let alone a liberal!), having sideburns that descend lower than the ear lobes, skipping Sunday School, buying groceries on Sunday, watching an "R-rated", or many PG-13 movies, arguing or questioning church doctrines while in in class during the week are all grounds for social ostracism.

Now it is true that there are pockets of more liberal and open people on campus, and a person can surround themselves with open-minded and reality-based people. However they must be very, very careful in what they say or do, even in private, lest they risk disciplinary action. No matter how well a person tries to insulate themselves from the authoritarian aspects of the university, they will be confronted with them daily, whether at church, whether from a authoritarian room-mate, classmate, or professor. There are campaigns that encourage students to tell on each other to the appropriate authority for any infraction against the social code. They sell this as necessary for keeping the righteous atmosphere of the Lord's University from being sullied by the wicked disobedient (liberals).

The Mormon idealisation and virtuisation of absolute obedience to authority is no where better experienced than at BYU - or perhaps even better at BYU-Idaho where even shorts and sandals are banned, where all students have a curfew, and where recently the student political clubs (Democrats and Republicans) were forcibly disbanded. I attended BYU for 8 semesters, and in that time I learnt that the most important virtue for Mormons isn't charity, or love, or compassion, or service, but obedience. Absolute obedience to authority is the key to being successful in Mormonism, and everything is secondary to obedience. Everything. A person may be convinced that supporting gay rights is logical, charitable, compassionate, nice, and even politically necessary, but they won't because they put obedience to authority as more important than any other consideration- even human rights. They do this because the authorities they obey receive their authority from God Himself, and despite reams of evidence to the contrary, will never lead the church or its members wrong.

My experience was Orwellian in many ways that almost defy explanation, and is probably hard for anyone who didn't experience it to understand. There are very few cultures in the US that are more authoritarian than Mormon universities, and even fewer that exhibit the extreme irony that is an authoritarian university.

and jesus said, "let the little children come unto me, that I may fuck them over"

A couple days whilst driving through Salt Lake, I saw a billboard that was soliciting foster parents by displaying piteous images of parentless children.

I was immediately struck by how ridiculous and disgusting it is that Utah, as well as many other states, has decreed it illegal for (unmarried) cohabitating couples to adopt or foster. Other states like Arkansas have outlawed adoption or fostering by anyone except legally married couples. In Utah, this prohibits any gay (or unmarried straight) couple from adopting, while (surprisingly) still allowing single gay or straight people to foster or adopt. In Arkansas, you have to be married, straight, (and for all I know, evangelical Christian). And while it might be technically legal for a single gay person to foster/adopt, since there are no anti-discrimination laws in Utah protecting LGBT persons, the chance that the state would allow an openly gay/bi/trans person to adopt is negligible.

Can you imagine how terrible it would be for a child to not be allowed to be adopted by an aunt, uncle, sibling or other family member simply because that person is cohabitating or gay? Is it better to rip a child away from family and force them to live with strangers or no family at all just because their available family member is in an unapproved relationship or has an unapproved sexual orientation? Or consider the children who will never have parents or families because bigoted Utah legislators have decreed it better for a child to languish alone than to be cared for and loved by the wrong type of family.

The fact is, there simply aren't enough people anywhere who are willing to open their homes to these children. In order to legislate outdated religious mores, the bigots in charge of far too many state legislatures are willing to punish children in order to forcibly compel the queers and those oh so immoral unmarried straight couples to abide by conservative, religious, heteronormative doctrines.

It saddens me that so many Americans are so blinded by their religion, that they think it is somehow morally justifiable to not only force their religion on others, but to deprive hundreds of thousands of children of a loving family because it's not the one god-approved flavour. Can anyone really argue that it's better for a child to be raised in an orphanage or state care than to be loved, raised, and supported by gay, unmarried, or single parents?

Of all the bigoted anti-gay morality laws that states like Utah pass, this one is by far the most heinous and offensive.

And yet I know many people and family members who support such laws. I find myself wondering if it even worth the effort to work with people who would fuck over children just to satisfy selfish hatreds. I think more and more that there's no dealing with some people, and that, like with desegregation, the US needs to just tell the religious asshats that they can believe whatever the fuck they want, but they aren't allowed to discriminate outside of their ridiculous churches, and that they certainly aren't going to be allowed to codify their discrimination into laws and state constitutions.

I truly believe that the only way to bring full human rights equality is to force the bigots to accept legal equality, instead of waiting for them to catch up with civilised society. I'm tired of having to sweet-talk around morons whose delusions include thinking I'm possessed of the "devil" and other nonsense that would be classified as insanity if so many other people didn't share the same mass delusion.

A person who claims to be Jesus we say is insane. A person who claims Jesus told them to kill their children we say is insane. A person on the street corner who claims that Jesus talks to them we call insane if their unkempt, but revere them if they're at a pulpit. A person who claims Jesus told them it is immoral for gays and non-married straight people to adopt children we allow to make our laws. A person who claims Jesus told them to invade another country we allow to run the entire nation.

Why is it "normal" for Jesus to say one thing to a person, but it is "insane" for him to say another, rather similar thing to a different person?

Why don't more people see how fucked (not to mention unconstitutional) this is?

If we don't demand and end to the religious manipulation of government, no one will.

recipe of the week

Craig's German-style Potato Salad

4 lbs small red and/or yellow potatoes, scrubbed

6-7 scallions, sliced on a bias
1/3-1/2 C chopped fresh dill
1/2-2/3 C flat-leaf parsley, chopped
1 1/4 C fresh green peas, blanched if raw, defrosted if frozen.

12 oz. regular bacon (not peppered or thick sliced)

1/3 C apple cider vinegar
3 T extra virgin olive oil (something quite grassy & fruity to match the fresh herbs if you have it. I like the Italian import Viola)
3 T canola oil
kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste

Scrub the potatoes and cut them into about 1/2 inch cubes. Make sure you're using the smallest red potatoes (or yellow ones). I use 2-3" potatoes. The large brown (baking) ones are far too starchy for this, and have too substantial a skin. Boil them just until tender and the skin is still firmly attached, but aren't mushy, because that's bad for potato salad. Once they're boiled, drain them and rinse with very cold water until the potatoes are cold.

Wash the herbs, slice the scallions and chop the parsley and dill. If frozen, rinse the peas in warm water until thawed, and then rinse in cold water and let sit for 1/2 hour.

Lay about 4 pieces of bacon together in a pile, slice lengthwise twice, and then slice into very small squares. Continue with the rest of the bacon. Fry in a sauté pan until quite crisp, and then drain on paper towels. Reserve a little bit of the bacon grease to dress the potatoes with. Wait to mix the bacon with the salad until right before serving, else it will get soggy.

Dress the potatoes with the oil & vinegar, herbs, peas, salt and pepper. Add the bacon, mix well and serve.

teabag-obama-o-rama!!!

We loves her. OMFG we loves her.

oh, bloody hell, not again

I'm sure most of you have seen this video already, but I just had to post about it.

I mean, I know these kinds of conservatives are just plain insane and don't live in reality, but seriously, really? I mean, come on, REALLY?!

I would have thought that even these people would have learnt from Prop 8 (and its aftermath), that lying backfires on you. If CA were to vote right now, Prop 8 would fail, because people found out that everything they were told about the "dangers" of gay marriage was a lie.

So, despite everything, especially things like reality and common-sense, they repeat the exact same blatant and obvious lies in yet another ridiculous commercial because equal rights won out in Iowa and Vermont. (horror of horrors!)

I wasn't even all that offended by the video; it was so ridiculous I pretty much just laughed through the whole thing.

I also laughed at this, but that's because it's actually funny, and makes fun of wonky conservatives, which is one of my favourite hobbies.

the real truth

This week I read through my entire missionary journal (what little there actually was). The over feeling I was stuck with was how incredibly naïve I was. And judgemental. And repressed. And so, so fakely spiritual.

It actually makes me sad that I wasn't honest in my journal. If someone were to read it, they would probably think I was this super spiritual guy who loved missionary work most of the time. In reality, I was clinically depressed almost my entire mission, and rarely if ever wrote what I actually felt in my journal. I had tons of doubts about the church and god, hated most of what we did, felt constantly and crushingly guilty for being gay and for masturbating, and wanted to make out with several of my companions/district leaders/zone leaders/etc.

That certainly would have been more interesting than the pseudo spiritual drivel I ended up writing.

I can't say I didn't truly feel most of the "spiritual" things I recorded, but in the real context of my whole mission, they were few and far between, and I now know they were just my subconscious telling me what I needed and wanted to hear at the time in order to be able to cope with the incredible stress I was constantly under.

I didn't write often, about every 3 weeks or so, which should tell you how often I actually felt that I had anything uplifting to record for posterity (HA!).

What was most interesting to me was to read what I wrote about those missionaries I had crushes on at the time. There were several companions I almost never mentioned, yet there were missionaries I knew only for a couple months I spend pages going on about. Of course, I wrote how "spiritual" they were, and how much I looked up to them, and how much I loved them (in a totally non-sexual, Christlike way of course). That was by far the most amusing part for me. I know now whose bones I wanted to jump at the time, and inevitably, they were the missionaries I told myself were the most spiritual and hard-working, but in reality were cute and nice to me, so I developed huge crushes on them.



I wonder what my mission reunion is going to be like...

face the music

While I was a member of the Mormon church, I always thought of myself as spiritual, so much so that it became a part of the way others perceived me, and I myself. Of course, you’re expected to be spiritual, and if you’re not, you’re not just a bad Mormon, but a bad person - because all humans are inherently spiritual (thus saith the LORD ^TM).

Very soon after I started questioning everything because of that very problem, (beginning with the church’s stance on homosexuality and gender conformity), my theism just fell apart. It was then that I realised I just wasn’t a spiritual person, that I never had been, and had been faking it without even knowing it (unlike a lot of the other faking I was actually cognizant of).

And now, I very often feel I’m not taken seriously as an atheist by many orthodox Mormons amd other religionists (especially my family - parents, aunts & uncles), because of the way they’re taught to view “apostates”.

Because I’m gay (i.e. living the "homosexual lifestyle") and have filled my life with the sins of sex ,alcohol, and godlessness, it makes sense to them that I would lose the “spirit” and stop believing in god(s). It’s obviously not because I have actual reasons for my atheism, or because it’s something I have thought through very thoroughly, but because I’m sinning, and it’s easier for me to not (or pretend not) to believe in god.

It doesn’t bother me when another person is spiritual or even religious - as long as they don’t harm anyone else in the process, (and that's honestly rare for the religious) - but the idea of trying now to be spiritual myself creeps me out. Perhaps that's because I was forced to be as a Mormon, and it brings back so many bad memories.

All of this is what I'm thinking about as I contemplate attending a mission reunion in a couple weeks. What will I say? How will people react to my obvious rejection of Mormon "standards"? (Eyebrow piercing). And how many people know that I'm a godless, sinful heathen?

I'm leaning towards attending, but I am still a bit hesitant. Mormons can be astoundingly judgemental, and while I there are a lot of people I would enjoy seeing, so much has changed since I last attended a mission reunion 3 years ago, that I'm not certain it's the smartest idea.

On the other hand, I do so very love breaing societal norms and blowing people's minds...

fyi...

Straight guys do not make out with another guy (who happens to be gay) for half an hour. I don't care how drunk you are, you're NOT straight. Bi, yes, but not straight.

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