As part of my rejection of Mormon taboos about revealing "holy" things, I've decided to post the full text of my Patriarchal Blessing - the Mormon version of a fortune telling.
Note that the ridiculous punctuation, spelling and capitalisation are not mine, but that of the patriarch and/or his secretary.
Jonathon Craig Fitzner, in my sacred calling as Patriarch to the Madison Wisconsin Stake of Zion, I place my hands upon your head and confer upon you, your Patriarchal Blessing, a special communication to you from the Lord, by way of His Holy Spirit; and He is pleased that you want to be here to have this experience and will grant your every righteous desire. You have been blessed with many blessings already in your life, having been raised in a home where the principles of the everlasting gospel are observed and taught. You have been given this blessing because of your integrity, your righteous desires and your willingness to follow the counsel that was give you, when you dwelt in the realm of your heavenly parents.
You are of Israel and of Ephraim, son of righteous Joseph, who was sold into Egypt by his brothers; and it is through the tribe of Ephraim that the Lord is performing His work in the gathering together of His people on this earth, for the last time; and you are very blessed to be on hand to be a part of that great work.
You have many opportunities to serve the Lord in the building up of His kingdom , in the three-fold program of the Church; and will be able to serve your brothers and sisters in whatever ward you may reside, in the various callings, including those of leadership; and also you will be blessed to ave opportunities to share the gospel, not only as a member of the Church, who's responsibility it is to do so, but as a missionary, called and commissioned of God and sent somewhere in the world to seek out the honest in heart and bring them into the fold of Christ.
The Lord wants you to know that you are special and that you were sent to this earth to accomplish certain things,which you will come to know and understand, as you continue faithful and stay close to Him and let Him lead you by the hand.
A prophet of God as told us that one of our greatest individual responsibilities is in the seeking of the records of our kindred dead, for there are many of them waiting on the other side of the veil, who have a desire for their vicarious work to be done and are looking to you and your family to be saviors on Mt. Zion, for them. These are people whom you love, but whom you have never met; and they are important to you and you are important to them. I bless you that will have that burning in your hear and the strength to go forward and do the things that they need done, things that they cannot do for themselves.
I counsel you to study the Holy Scriptures, for in them is contained the fulness of the everlasting gospel, and also a knowledge of the mysteries, which can be unfolded unto you, if you pray and ask the Lord for understanding and allow Him to pour knowledge upon you, which will give you the things you need to succeed in all your righteous endeavors; and also will bring happiness and joy to your soul.
I further counsel you to pray to the Lord always and ask for strength to overcome your weaknesses and warn you that adversary knows both your strengths and your weaknesses and will try to put roadblocks in your way to prevent you from being successful on the Lord's errand; and I further remind you that you have power over him, through the gift that you were given, ant the time of your baptism; and that power will increase, as you progress and receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and magnify your calling.
I bless you that you will have the opportunity to receive all of the blessings and benefits of the Holy Temple, from the reception of your own endowments, to marriage for time and for all eternity; and the great privilege of watching your own descendants continue the work of service to the Lord, not only now, but forever.
I remind you that all promises and blessings that the Lord offers to us are predicated upon righteous and worthy living; and that these promises and blessings are also of an eternal nature and will eventually come to pass , if we are true and faithful to our covenants.
I bless that you will have the Lord's help in the pursuit of your education, in finding an eternal companion; and also in being successful in your life's work, so that you will always have the means to carry out every good and righteous thing you desire to do.
I bless that the day will come when you can stand before God with confidence in knowing you have done your best to serve Him; and have the Savior by your side to plead for you to the Father, and hear the Father welcome you into His kingdom, to be there with all those who have sacrificed everything for eternal life, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God.
Remember that everything you have done in the past, whether good or bad, whether large or small, is not as important as the things you do from now on, for if you have done bad things, they can be erased and if you have done good things, you cannot rest on your laurels, but must continue to serve the Lord, throughout your life; and if you do this, with all your might, the Lord can mold you to be one of His righteous and noble servants, which is what He sent you to this earth to be.
Remember that it is important that you have love in your heart for everyone, especially those whom you serve and those whom you teach, for with out that love, the Holy Spirit cannot do its work; and with that love, you can accomplish things beyond your greatest imagination.
I counsel you to follow the Prophet and the other leaders of the Church, stay close to your bishop or branch president in whatever ward or branch you may reside, do your best and eternity is yours; and this is your Patriarchal Blessing, which I seal upon you by the authority of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood, in the name of Jesus Christ, our Redeemer, amen.
12 August 2001
Madison Wisconsin Stake
Harold J. Hovorka
Patriarchal Blessing Number 135
Oh, and just to complete the blasphemy, my temple name is Japheth.
14 wisdomy word(s):
...that's it? WHAT A BUNCH OF NOTHING. How the hell does my family get anything from something like that? IT SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN SO MANY WORDS.
I'm the only person I know who was put into the house of Dan.
Too cool baby.
My temple name is Yishmael... I got it in the reform temple, not the LDS version...
I'd love it if y'all posted these at that DD place. ;)
Patriarchal blessings do seem to cover similar ground, don't they.
My patriarchal blessing discussed a wife a lot and even back when I was fourteen and got it I knew I was gay...
Yeah, that part of mine never sounded enticing.
You go by your middle name? Have you always?
My patriarchal blessing was nice without being particularly profound. A young guy I know (19 years old) was told in his that he would 'fight Satan face to face'. Freaked him out, obviously.
My temple name is Judith, which I always loved because it's my little sister's name.
I always kind of regret not getting a patriarchal blessing. My mom's was really odd in that the Patriarch actually gave her a matriarchal lineage, which he was confused and surprised by when they played it back to him.
@Chosha, yes, I've always gone by my middle name. Many members of my dad's side of the family (Uncles, Grandmother, Dad, brother) use (one of) their middle name.
Speaking of weird things in the p. blessing, one of my companions said that his told him he was going to the Terrestrial Kingdom, which if true is super weird.
I just found out that my friend and I have the same name, as we apparently went thorough the temple on the same day, I in Nauvoo he here in Utah.
@Sabayon
I got mine when I was 17 just before I went to BYU. At the time, I thought the patriarch really was able to see into the future (and past) and give me a blessing that was actually personal. Now I realise I focused on 3 little phrases that related to me and ignored the rest that didn't (like marrying a woman).
I've never heard of anyone else getting a matriarchal lineage - was that like some female Bible character?
@Amanda, I've never met anyone else who was in Dan. My Grandmother and Dad are in Benjamin, which makes them feel extra special for some reason. My grandmother was *sure* I was going to be in Benjamin as well. The Spirit told her, or something. Turns out the patriarch didn't get that message.
Yeah, being in Dan is really weird. There's not much said about him.
Now I realise I focused on 3 little phrases that related to me and ignored the rest that didn't (like marrying a woman).
Well, unless I'm mistaken, he technically never said you'd marry a woman.
Of course, that assumes that at some point in your lifetime, the LDS Church could decide to allow gay men to marry in the temple. It would hardly be the first about-face for the Church if it ever happened.
I forgot my temple name!
My PB says I will find a "delightful companion" and have children to "call my own and teach and love" and we will be a "united and happy family." This isn't the only reference to marriage, either. But guess what, never once does it actually use a feminine pronoun to refer to my spouse.
Maybe I'm reading far more into this than is justified, but in light of subsequent events, it's an interesting thing to ponder!
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