the blind following the blind

I awoke this morning to find this response in my inbox:

Cynthia Hallen to me

Follow the Prophet.

Cynthia L. Hallen

Associate Professor of Linguistics & English Language

Brigham Young University

"What is more amiable and pleasant than those pure, innocent, endearing affections which God has placed in the hearts of the male and female, who are united in lawful matrimony, with a love and affection, pure as the love of God, because it springs from Him, and is His gift: with bodies chaste and virtuous, and an offspring, lovely, healthy, pure, innocent, and uncontaminated: confiding in each other, they live together in the fear of God, enjoying nature's gifts uncorrupted, and undefiled as the driven snow, or the crystal stream." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, John Taylor, p. 194).

This brush-off annoyed me even more than a non-response would have, so I sent her a response which she will probably brush-off again because she's right and everyone else is wrong. It's probably a waste of time, but it made me feel better, and if she does actually read it, hopefully it may make her doubt her self-righteous certainty just a tiny bit.

I also found her choice of e-mail closing quote interesting. She seems obsessed with this issue to a degree that makes me wonder what her damage is. It's crossed my mind that she may well be a lesbian and is just full of self-loathing that she takes it out on other gay people. She is in her 50s, and unmarried, so she fits the profile of a repressed lesbian Mormon woman. Who knows. Whatever the reason for her homophobia, I couldn't let it go unchallenged.

Here's my response:

Cynthia,

I can assume by your response that you refuse to even recognise, let alone take responsibility for your own hypocrisy. You claim to never have heard any unkind words directed towards gay people and turn around and say very unkind things yourself.

Regardless of what your beliefs are regarding homosexuality, do you not see that your words are hurtful and it is exactly those kinds of words that have driven many young Mormons to kill themselves? People I knew and loved were driven to depression and suicide because we as same-sex attracted people are bombarded daily from our professors, friends, and roommates, with hateful remarks.

Are you so callous that that means nothing to you? That you can't even respond or apologise for over-the top rhetoric that does nothing to address the issue in a respectful, responsible and adult manner?

Perhaps you ought to think beyond your own experience, and put yourself in the place of those of us who have experienced it.
Imagine that all day you hear about gays being evil, and how all gays are disgusting and should be shot, about being a son of Sodom, false claims about how we hate families and are destroying society. Imagine you're a faithful LdS person who doesn't engage in homosexual behaviour, who wishes only to live faithful to the commandments, and who yet stills hears this rhetoric day in and day out, who struggles with intense feelings of guilt because you were told (falsely) that you weren't really gay, and that you somehow sinned to bring those feelings upon yourself (two ideas which the church has now repudiated, but were for a time taught, especially by many LdS Family Services psychologists)? Imagine how devastating it is to live like that day to day, and then to read your own claim of never having heard an unkind word uttered about those who struggle with same-sex attraction. Let me tell you that this was my experience at BYU, and I am incredulous that you can make the statements you did without thinking for a minute that you're doing the very thing you claim never to have experienced.

I think it might be good for you to follow your own advice about following your prophets and have some respect and compassion even for those who disagree with you and have a different belief set from yours. Even though your prophet has advised the LdS church members to oppose the legalisation of gay marriage, he as also said that the members should be compassionate towards gay people, a phrase you apparently had a problem with to begin with. Perhaps it is time for you rethink your rhetoric and find a more compassionate, respectful, less harmful way of expression your opinions and beliefs about homosexuality.

I'm not asking nor expecting you to agree with those who wish to have equal marriage rights, but I do expect a more responsible tone. If you have in fact never heard any unkind words, then you weren't listening hard enough, because they're everywhere on the BYU campus. There are several students in various disciplines who openly acknowledge their same-gender attractions. Go to them and ask them about their experience. Learn first-hand more about the people you're reviling so harshly and undeservedly before you pass judgement.

J. Craig Fitzner