When I resigned from the LDS church, I went to the bishop of the ward I lived in and personally handed him my letter. I blogged about this marvellous experience last month.
When I never heard anything back confirming my resignation, I sent in a letter to Member Records a week and a half ago or so. Just today I received a letter from them acknowledging receipt of my letter, telling me this is a local ecclesiastical matter, and they had referred this matter to Stake President and Bishop.
I'm not sure if this is going to make sure that they actually do something about it now, or if that stupid bishop will just sit on it. I'm betting he didn't tell the Stake President, so now that he knows, and I know that he knows, and the church knows that I know that he knows, something will happen.
I know I am right now not a member (legally), but that the church still considers me one until they go through their little (rather silly, and possible illegal) procedure and waiting period.
Along with the letter I got a lovely little pamphlet. The last line of the letter says,
In view of the eternal consequences of such an action, the Brethren urge you to reconsider your request and to prayerfully consider the enclosed statement of the First Presidency.
This wonderful little pamphlet is titled "An Invitation" and inside the front cover is a picture of the new first presidency and some text "urging" me to return to fold.
I find it interesting that the letter from member records has some thinly veiled condemnation and threat of eternal damnation (consequences) if I don't reconsider. The pamphlet, however, steers away from that. It's even somewhat apologetic and conciliatory. It says,
Our interest and concern are always with the individual man or woman, boy or girl. Our great responsibility is to see that each is "remembered and nourished by the good word of God" (Moroni 6:4). If any have been offended, we are sorry. Our only desire is to cultivate a spirit of mercy and kindness, of understanding and healing. We seek to follow the example of our Lord, who "went about doing good" (Acts 10:38).
Of course, this is a case of too little, too late. It's not that I don't believe that Monson, Uchtdorf and/or Eyring mean it, but that they are really not in control of the actions of local members and leaders who are the main causes of the problem. I've already discussed my myriad problems with the way the church functions, its leadership and its inherent flaws at length in previous posts.
The irony is that they invite me to "return and partake of the happiness you once knew". If I had known happiness, do you think I would have left? This is really being geared to the lazy inactive, not to he who has moral qualms and active disputes with the leadership and its doctrines. The very reason I left is because I wasn't happy; I was miserable.
I also find the scriptures they chose to quote an interesting choice. Does one need to attend church to be "nourished by the good word"? I thought the real reason for church attendance was simply to take the sacrament.
I know that they meant "doing good" in a very general sense. Yet, my definition of "doing good" does greatly differ in many instances from theirs. I see standing up for myself and what I believe right as "doing good", and I see the church's treatment of gays as the exact opposite. Basically their two main reasons they want me to come back are things I don't need or don't want the church for.
Also, they've not any idea what it is they're rather lamely trying to apologise for. I have been offended, but that's really not a big deal, rather it's the emotionally and psychologically abusive situation and relationship that the church creates with its gay members that bothers me. As they are unwilling (at this time) to do anything about this, this pamphlet is rather a sad waste of part of a tree.
Poor tree.
This pamphlet was just published last month. I wonder how many they've sent out already to those wanting out. I wonder how many, as a result of reading that pamphlet, choose to reconsider. I'd bet it's not a very high number.
7 wisdomy word(s):
When I resigned my membership, the process dragged on for several years. It took a letter from my attorney to finally get things moving forward. I've heard that this is not atypical.
Don't hold your breath about any action happening as a result of your letter to Member Records. You will probably need to keep bugging the local bishop.
Here's a question for you: from the church's point of view, at what precise moment is your baptism undone? From what I understand, there is no such moment, since there is no associated ordinance or prayer for membership resignations. Instead, the "eternal consequences" mentioned in the form letter seem to happen when a bit gets flipped in a computer database.
My understanding is that the church gets approximately 100,000 resignations per year. I'm sure the pamphlet (which sounds identical to what I received 10 years ago) gets frequent reprints.
I wish the church were not so secretive about all this. Over the years it publishes less and less statistical information. It is impossible from church figures to reconcile how the year-by-year number of members is calculated. It appears that people who resign are still included in the official membership numbers.
Oy vay.
So, if I don't resign, what kind of intrusions should I expect? Will there be any?
There hasn't been so far, but I presume it's due to me leaving at age 13. I suppose I should only worry about it when I move out on my own, relocate, and they solicit me then.
If time goes by and nothing happens, pick up the phone and call Member Records. As soon as I did that, everything went through like magic.
hang in there kid. For some, resignation is a huge, affirming step. If it is the step that will help you in your healing, you go for it. You have eloquently articulated your feelings over the last while in your posts and I applaud your strength.
Go go go!
The majority of people who leave the church were offended personally by one or two individuals from something they said that in most cases has nothing to do with the doctrine of the church. I agree that the form letter doesn't fit in your situation and I could see how it would anger or offened you. Hopefully we will learn from our mistakes. "We" being the church.
I like reading your blog because it helps me understand how and why people are being hurt by the doctrines and functions of the church. As a 19 year old missionary I had no idea that the church that I grew up with, loved and felt loved in, could actually hurt anyone. I've learned a lot since then, but I have so much more to learn.
mohohawaii:
Don't hold your breath about any action happening as a result of your letter to Member Records. You will probably need to keep bugging the local bishop.
Damn.
from the church's point of view, at what precise moment is your baptism undone?
I'm not sure. If you rejoin the church you do have to get rebaptised, and when you leave the church (just like getting excommunicated) you "loose" the priesthood and all "temple blessings". What that exactly means though, I don't know.
Of course for me, those "punishments" by the church are pretty moot, because I don't believe that God is too worried about whether I'm a member of the LDS church or not. I think their threat of "eternal consequences" it totally unfounded and without merit.
Colin:
So, if I don't resign, what kind of intrusions should I expect? Will there be any?
It all depends on the local leaders. If you move and somehow they get your records, they'll probably come try to home-teach you, bring you cookies to convince you to attend some activity, etc. However, they may never find you and you'll never hear from the church again. If you're mainly just concerned about being bothered by home-teachers, you might just wait and see if they find you and then tell them to leave you alone, or then resign from the church.
I did it not so they'd leave me alone (as they had no idea where I lived at the time when I resigned), but because I didn't want to be a member of the church, to have my name associated with an organisation I didn't believe in, and to provide some closure to a rather painful experience in the church.
forrester:
I wasn't offended or angered by the pamphlet. I simply thought it was silly and ineffective.
I do hope that the church members and leaders will eventually learn from their mistakes and will learn that treating gays like this is not only fundamentally wrong and can destroy individual's lives, but that it is hurting the church as well.
As a 19 year old missionary I had no idea that the church that I grew up with, loved and felt loved in, could actually hurt anyone. I've learned a lot since then, but I have so much more to learn.
Same here.
Forester, while it is the received wisdom among Mormons that most people who "leave the church" have been offended in some way, I don't think that holds in general for those who actually resign, and I don't think it's even true about inactives. My impression (and it is just an anecdotal impression) is that those who resign are likely to do so because of active differences in doctrine or position (like me and Craig) or because they've discovered something unsavory about Mormon history. As for those who go inactive, my opinion is that the majority slip away quietly because they can't be arsed to get to church every Sunday, not because they have really strong feelings about it. People who are personally offended belong to both groups, but I don't think they are the majority—or even a significant fraction—of either population.
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